Warning: The characters are out of…character. And we don’t own Death Note, though we wish like every other fan.
*Enter Light in a plaid suit onto the game show set. Behind each contestant platform stands a non-chalant Near, an aggravated Mello, and a twitchy L. The camera men aim their cameras on Light as he struts onstage*
Light: Hello and welcome all to the greatest game show on earth: Kill That Man!! Today’s contestants are Near!
Mello: Why are we here?!
Light: And L!
L: Why was there no cake backstage on that food bar? *twitching* It had nothing but fruit. Fruit! * more twitching*
Light: Before we begin the game, let’s get to know our contestants! * walks over to Near’s pedestal * Near, how are you today?
Light: okay…Where you from?
Near: The Wammy House.
Light: What is that, like some Whack-a-Mole game? * chuckles at his own bad pun *
Near: …* takes out Optimus Prime action figure and throws it at Light’s head * PEARL HARBOR!
Light: * ducks * WTF?! You little brat, what was that for?! * points finger at Near’s face *
Near: * chomps down on Light’s unfortunate finger *
Light: GAH! HE BIT ME!! HE FREAKIN’ BIT ME!! IT HIT THE BONE!!! RIGHT THROUGH THE BONE!!!! AHHH, IT HURTS!!
L: Near! Spit that out right now, you don’t know where it’s been!!
Near: M’kay. * spits out mauled finger *
Light: * in a low tone to self * I hate kids. Freakin’ kid’s from Village of the Damned. I sware.
Near: * stare * …..
Light: Stop trying to control my mind!! * clears throat * Next contestant…Mello!! So how are you today little girl!
Mello: * murderous glare * I’m not a little girl.
Light: So, what, are you a tranny?
Mello: NO!! SCREW YOU!! * takes out bar of...