The Hazards of Movie-Going

The Hazards of Movie-going

    I am a movie fanatic. My friends count on me to know movie trivia and to remember every big Oscar awarded since I was in grade school. My friends, though, have stopped asking me if I want to go out to the movies. While I love movies as much as ever, the inconvenience of going out, the temptations of the theater, and the behavior of some patrons are reasons for me to wait and rent the video.


    To begin with, I just don’t enjoy the general hassle of the evening. Since small local movie theaters are a thing of the past, I have to drive for thirty minutes to get to the nearest multiplex. The parking lot is shared with several restaurants and a supermarket, so it’s always jammed. I have to drive around at a snail’s pace until I spotanother driver backing out. Then it’s time to stand in an endless line, with the constant threat that tickets for the show I want will sell out. If we do get tickets, the theater will be so crowded that I won’t be able to sit with my friends, or we’ll have to sit in a front row gaping up at a giant screen. I have to shell out a ridiculous amount of money ―up to $8 ―for a ticket. That entitles me to sit while my shoes seal themselves to a sticky floor coated with spilled soda, bubble gum, and crushed Raisinets.


    Second, the theater offers tempting snacks that I really don’t need. Like most of us, I have to battle an expanding waistline. At home I do pretty well by simply not buying stuff that is bad for me. I can make do with snacks like celery and carrot sticks because there is no ice cream in the freezer. Going to the theater, however, is like spending my evening in a Seven-Eleven that’s been equipped with a movie screen and comfortable seats. As I try to persuade myself to just have a diet Coke, the smell of fresh popcorn dripping with butter soon overcomes me. Chocolate bars, the size of small automobiles, seem to jump into my hands. I risk pulling out my fillings as I chew enormous...