All Hail Ed

All hail Ed: future Prime Minister!




























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Satire written in the pastiche of an annoying Guardian Blogger


The perpetual havoc caused by our Coalition Government seems to keep carrying on: the controversy behind the NHS reforms, the scrapping of the 50p tax, the petrol strike, the atrocious cuts ripping the very essence of society apart, the raid on vulnerable pensioners and an Equalities Minister planning to ban the wearing of crosses and crucifixes as the Co-Chairwoman of the Tories is vitriolic on the 'militant secularism' found in today's society.

This is the reason for the inevitable success for Labour at the opinion polls, hinting the end of the Coalition and leaving one to ponder about the rise of Milibandism. Yes, Milibandism. It is, of course, a term, coined by Ed Miliband himself, Socialist-Thatcherite leader of the notorious Labour party. Oh! And what wondrous days lie ahead! Soon, the cringe worthy soundbites of Osborne's "Let's do it together!" will end and the misery and economic gloom will dissipate, for at the end of the tunnel, there is light!

The light here being the proclaimed destiny of Ed Miliband's successful government. And when the charming Ed stands outside the black door of No. 10 giving a list of pledges, only soon to be broken, the nation will celebrate like they did when the People's Princess left Charles for good. The cherubs will dance under the blossom trees, people will revert to the heyday before sexualisation of society, traditionalism will return, the wet and ghastly British weather will be embraced by the sunshine, the divided country will unite, holding hands, dancing, singing "Imagine" by John Lennon throughout the hazy, summer afternoons.

Of course, Mr Miliband has been a leader for a mere two years but his impact is irreversible. Within these years, he has gained popularity with the ptochocrats, middle-class and the immigrants. He is also admired by those...