Name: The FeldBum
Submitted: 08.28.01
Flesch-Kincaid Score: 60.9890368852 ?
Word Count:
245
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Network Debate
It was a brutal race. They interrupted our daily scheduled shows with boisterous promises they could never fulfill. They invaded our towns and cities with their advertisements; their faces defaced our buses and benches. And still, no one has emerged as the clean victor. Yes, the battle for network coverage of the Presidential race was fierce. It was an exciting race indeed. On CBS, Dan Rather’s predictions rolled off his lips like sweat off a dancing bear; he was “hotter than a Loredo parking lot.” NBC’s Tom Brokaw entertained us with fancy charts and sarcastic guests. Fox was all eye candy; 3-D charts superimposed over the Bush mansion glittered with incorrect predictions. ABC had the honor of being the first network to announce and retract Governor Bush’s victory, while on CNN we heard “too close to call” more often than the vote in Florida has been counted. Comedy Central’s Indecision 2000 delighted us with irreverent commentary by John Stewart and analysis by Bob Dole. I did not vote. With my remote, I was indifferent; it was all too annoying. How I wished something exciting would replace these endless predictions and corrections. I prayed for a TiVo so I could pick what and when I wanted to watch. Bereft of TiVo’s brilliant technology, I did what any other upstanding, bored American citizen would have done: I rented a movie.
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