Best Man

Good afternoon, I've tried to get round to everyone over the past few days but to those who I have not had a chance to introduce myself to, Hi, I'm Steven, Kenny's best man, I'm from England, we used to run the world before you did.

Today is an historic day, not only is it the monumental occasion of Ken and Jess's wedding but also the birthdays of Bruce Willis who is 50 today and Kelly Holmes, the UK's double Olympic gold medallist, who is 35.

Now Kenny's told me I'm only allowed 5 minutes for this speech. He was my best man and his speech was over 20 minutes and I must say did drag on a bit, so I'm not sure if the 5 minute limit I have is just how you do things over here, or if it's quarter of an hour less dirt I'm allowed to say about him than he did of me.

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Kenny for his kind words and also add from Jess her thanks for how well they have assisted her, not only today but also in the build up. You are her dearest friends and family. I must say, all the bridesmaids and flower girls do look fantastic and compliment Jess superbly.

Jess, you look absolutely stunning, a million dollars, or GBP522,438.74. And Ken, you've done well as yesterday she only looked GBP518,510.84 so you've actually made nearly 4 thousand pounds. Now it is unusual to actually make money on your wife, as most men would agree, women usually cost money.

Lucie and I first met Jess about 2 years ago and we knew then what a wonderful person she is. Kenny has gone back and forward so often we don't really miss him anymore, but we are always sad to see Jess go. That goes to show just how much of an impact she has had on us so we can understand how Kenny has become so smitten.

As already mentioned, Kenny was my best man. He did an excellent job and can fully recommend him if anyone else needs a best man in the future. I can only hope I have done as much for you as you did for me. However, in his speech he did bring up some...