Odysseus - Essay

Dear Odysseus,
I, Horus, god of light and youth, hear that you, gallant raider of cities, are assembling a crew to assist you in your quest to return to your home and along with it your woman. I know much about you from stories I have heard and in turn told to others. I have heard about your victories and the unique and unusual methods in which you use to be successful in your trials. I know you are successful already, but I do feel that there is one thing that could only improve and ease your success: me.
I am, as previously stated, the god of the sky and youth. In addition I am also the god of the sun, war, and light. Like you, I have endured struggles and using my powers and talents, have made my way through them with pride and a conquering force. A myriad of years ago, I was being pursued by Nimrod, the god of plants. The reason for this is that his wife came to love me, and I in turn fell in love with her. I understood that this infuriated him, but his pursuit was not for explanation or for reasoning; it was for my life. I could not allow for this to happen. So with my power over the sun, I made it dark for 13 days. Over these days, the pansy Nimrod was deprived of vitamin A and became depressed and lacked energy. I then finished him with my knowledge of war with a blow to the head with a bludgeon. The blow ended his life and helped to begin my new one with his former wife Marcie.
I think this story of one of my many trials is a prime example of why I would be a positive attribute to your coterie of heroes. In addition to depriving enemies of much needed vitamins, I can take light from them to disorient them causing them to sleep often. This would allow the team to attack unexpectedly in the dark. This would be an unmatchable and undefeatable advantage in our favor that would overpower almost all others against us.
I am the god of war. With your knowledge and experience, the combination of the two would prove to immortalize the team. I am good in war...