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The Completely and Indisputably Factual History of Chocolate

  • Date Submitted: 01/27/2010 11:11 PM
  • Flesch-Kincaid Score: 44 
  • Words: 492
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Chocolate was invented at the impasse of the 23rd dimension, largely deemed the most damning political failure of all time. It became a popular treat for both mystery and adventure readers alike and soon ice cream sales were topping the purchase totals of foreign steel into the American continent. The newest device in the works was a packaging mechanism for chocolate. This was the box. This “box” bypassed the need for linear modulation in the delivery of chocolate. The spherical design of the box soon was given up in favor of a design featuring what was what many people thought the human heart looked like.                                                                                                              

The human heart was discovered in a joint venture by popular thinkers Archimedes and Pythagoras. The idea was mainly pursued because of a desire to make non-Euclidean geometry useless when applied within the mechanical spectrum.   The shape was not two symmetrical sides joined together but it was more of a “meatbag”, which facilitated the need for porcine valves in the bowels of the bovine. In the bovine, this is an extremely important advance on account of the unusually high rate at which farm tools penetrate the anus. The by-product of the porcine valve installation is a milky fluid that is used in the production of synthetic milk chocolate Thus, the cow and heart changed the way chocolate is packaged within the Greater Terran Regions.                                                           The implementation of red coloring on the chocolate box, which now had a shape that was proven to be misnamed by science, was a drastic improvement of the metallic hues, simply because the oxidation rate slowed as a result of the extra acids in the red paint.

This proved to be a lasting improvement. Other small improvements upon the design of the chocolate box were not so permanent. The labeling of the individual chocolates proved to be problematic...


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