Coming Apart

Coming Apart
Although many relationships remain at the bonding stage, some relationships do come apart. The coming apart stages begin with differentiating, in which the partners begin to recognize their differences and are unhappy with the realization. Fighting or conflict may occur as the partners begin to feel a growing interpersonal distance.
Constricted communication occurs during the circumscribing stage. Partners restrict their communication to "safe areas" in which they know they can agree. Controversial topics are avoided, and there is little depth to the conversations. The partners may exchange little personal information during their interactions with each other, but they are still able to maintain the public facade of a healthy relationship.
Stagnating occurs when the expectation of unpleasant conversations begins to emerge, along with the feeling that there is little to say to the other person. The partners avoid talking about the relationship at this point because they believe there is nothing to gain by further discussion.
In the avoiding stage, partners reorganize their lives so that they can minimize interaction with each other. Sometimes the partners try to avoid each other, or they directly state their desires, such as "I don't want to talk to you anymore."
Finally, the terminating stage involves physically and psychologically leaving the relationship. This stage may occur very quickly, or it may take a number of years for it to be accomplished. One partner may decide to move out, or both people may agree to stop contacting each other. Messages at this stage of a relationship are designed to create distance between people ("Please don't call me.") or to prepare for life without the other person (saying "I" or "me" instead of "we" when talking about certain topics with others).
Movement Between Stages
Knapp and Vangelisti argue that movement through the stages of relationship development tends to be systematic and sequential. That is,...