Your Promises, Your Lies

I try to put on a brave front infront of other. But you don’t know how it hurts and how much I try to cover up my real feelings behind that mask. You think its ok. But its not. Its hurts. My strength, my happy go lucky… Its just my façade.

I lie down on my bed every night, crying before I go to bed, My cries are muffled by my pillow. My tears are flowing down my cheeks behind those closed doors.

I try to close my eyes. Harsh words thrown at my closest kins and friends came flashing across my mind.
I was chatting on the phone with one of my closest friends, Nana, trying to comfort her over her breakup with Myungsoo.
“ Don’t cry, he’s not worth it. Remember, I will always be there for you. You know I love you right? You love me too right? As a friend? ”
“ Eekk, who will ever love you” She stops, as if realizing that she had said something wrongly. I try to laugh it off “ Aww, that’s so cruel of you. But don’t worry, I will always stick to you, and one day you will lovveeee meee”

Don’t cry, jieun. Don’t cry. She doesn’t mean it. She just harsher with her words because of her breakup,
I close my eyes. Another flashback came along.
I was sitting on a bus, chatting with my friends on our way home. They were talking about guys.
“ I swear he was looking at me just now. He’s so handsome, my total prince charming. Anyway, Jieun, why isn’t any boy taking interest in you? If I am a boy, I will definitely go for you. You are rich afterall.”My friend, Shane said,
I smile. My heart shattered into pieces again. It’s a fact that I have to accept, no one will even look at me. Even if they do, its always about the money.
“Darling, can you do something about your looks? You look… awful.” I laugh. “ Its ok mum, I am used to it. I am proud of my looks” * No, its not. I know I am ugly, but why can’t I accept the fact? Why do you have to remind me about that fact, mum? I want to be pretty too.”

“Believe me, you are so prettiest girl I have ever met”
“You are...